Everything

So happy I don't even know what to say [=

Love

bring on change

Let this be the day.... that I move on, and never return. 

I may not know what I deserve, but I know I DON'T deserve this.

I should be happy.

I hope you figure everything out, but you'll have to do it without me.

Don't want to be played the fool... again.

Love.

let me get this right

No control, it's inevitable. Someone will ALWAYS get hurt in the end. What's hardest, is learning to accept hurt... defeat. But no need for tears, nothing more than another lesson learned. It never seems clear, why we hurt the ones we care for. But control is out of our hands at times, and all actions must take its course, leading to consequences... consequences others shouldn't face but do. A price must be paid, not fair?... nothing is ever fair. All we can do is understand, and accept. You're lucky when you find someone who understands and stays. Doesn't leave, doesn't give up... but stays. 

What more is there to say, we don't see eye to eye. We're on different levels. We're not meant for this.

me,myself, and i

All in all, I can only rely on myself and noone else.

From now on... looking forward to better days [=

God is love.

strength

Dear Lord, 
You know the temptations that I am facing today. But your Word promises that I will not be tempted beyond what I can bear. I ask for your strength to stand up under the temptation whenever I encounter it. Your Word also tells me you will provide a way out of the temptation. Please, Lord, give me the wisdom to walk away when I am tempted, and the clarity to see the way out that you will provide. Thank you, God, that you are a faithful deliverer and that I can count on your help in my time of need. 
Amen

no more pain

Fool me once, shame on you

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Expect nothing, gain EVERYTHING!

What I fail to realize each time, is that I have a choice.

No more mistakes, I can't fail again.

God is love.

gotta be strong

Open mind. Open heart.

God is love.

dear Lord,

Please save me from myself.

try

It kills me to know that you're sad. I want to talk to you and just be there for you. But I don't know if you'll let me. We have a tight bond, and I don't want to break it. I really want to try, you mean more to me than you think. Everytime I want to call you or text you, I can't seem to find the right words. I'm scared, not of what we could be, but of what we might not be. I pray for you, and I pray for us every night. I want to reach out to you, but you might not pull me in, and I'll just be left there still reaching for you.

I miss you, but you know that already.

please listen

i like you. i miss you. and i care for you... always.

...

I don't exactly know what I'm thinking or feeling right now. But I hope i figure it out soon. We're only human right? Why does it always have to be so hard. Everything will work out for the better... all in good time.

God is love.

stuck

I barely use this thing anymore. But anyways, I guess I could update a little. I'm on spring break right now, but I'm definitely not enjoying it like I thought I would. I'm always limited to what I'm allowed to do. I can never just do what I feel I should be able to do, especially since I'm on break AND I'm 18 years old! shayshhh. But it seems that some things never change, and they never will change /= I don't want to sound pessimistic, but how long are you going to keep me from the outside world? Honestly, I'm only getting older and when your trying to hold me back, it only makes it worse for the both of us. If only you could hear me out mom, and understand me on my level.

I'm supposed to be heading to Long Beach right now to go to Jaimee's pad and then visit Andrew Marco at Irvine, but it doesn't look promising /= Even though I friggin promised him I would too ]= Wow, I am a flake and a failure at keeping my word. So much for committing to something. I don't know what else to do. I feel trapped. I feel stuck.

I've been looking for a job...still. But still unlucky. If someone would just give me a chance, I know I would work hard. I'd rather be working, going to school, anything, then be at home. It's such a waste of a day.

God is love.

Communication is key... if we only had it.

unworthy

You know the deal [;

Move along; it's all we can do.

Another lesson learned... yeah.

What doesn't kill me only makes me stronger.

LIVE

LIFE

LEARN

paycee (=

GOD is love.

hate that I miss you

You have no idea. And I can't avoid you, I'll see you every week. I hope she's not hurting anymore now and you won't have to suffer. So much for not giving up.

dont change

No matter what happens, I hope I never change and if I do I hope its for the better. I don't want to loose my way, but I think it's already starting to. I've been let down, and I've let down others, it's a feeling I never want to have. Though they are learning experiences, why can't I learn from the last one? No regrets, no what ifs, no would of, could of, should have beens right? Right. I am my own worst enemy.  I have a long road ahead of me, God please guide me along the way.

God is love.

"We must accept finite disappointment, but never loose infinite hope."

-Martin Luther King Jr.

im a mess

Not really, but I feel like I am at times, but who doesn't? 

I must learn to accept things as they are. I keep trying to change things, but it's not all up to me. But in all actuality, everything seems right just as it is. I can't predict the future, but I'm the one that determines it. I may not see eye to eye with some of you sometimes, but I'm still learning so bear with me. I always come to my senses in the end.

Please someone hire me!

God is love.

"Then, without realizing it, you try to improve yourself at the start of each new day; of course, you achieve quite a lot in the course of time. Anyone can do this, it costs nothing and is certainly very helpful. Whoever doesn't know it must learn and find by experience that a quiet conscience makes one strong."

-Anne Frank

so close;jon mclaughlin

You're in my arms

And all the world is calm

The music playing on for only two

So close together

And when I'm with you

So close to feeling alive

A life goes by

Romantic dreams will stop

So I bid mine goodbye and never knew

So close was waiting, waiting here with you

And now forever I know

All that I wanted to hold you

So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end

Almost believing this was not pretend

And now you're beside me and look how far we've come

So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days

If I should lose you now?

We're so close

To reaching that famous happy end

And almost believing this was not pretend

Let's go on dreaming for we know we are

So close

So close

And still so far

i wana know if he'd take a chance

Good church day, no... GREAT church day (= I love leaving church with a smile on my face and the knowledge of realizing  how amazing life is. It's beautiful. I've been thinking, thinking a lot. But you should know that, I told you I think too much- so it shouldn't be a surprise. I've just been thinking about our past and what we went through. And even though it may not seem like much, it's a lot to me. I can't talk to everyone like I talk to you. And even though that hasn't been much also, I think it makes our conversations all the more better when they're prolonged. But I don't want to get too ahead of myself, and I'm not going assume anything either. So I'm just gonna go with what God has planned for me, but I'm glad He put you in my life, and we've remained friends no matter how many years have passed. You remind me of happiness, and that's pretty rare [= But like I said, I'm not about to go over my head with what should, could, or will be. Because I can't predict all that. But what I've come to realize, is you've always been in the back of my mind. Maybe its time to see where that takes me?.... lol! We'll see.

God is love.

"The keys to patience are acceptance and faith. Accept things as they are, and look realistically at the world around you. Have faith in yourself and in the direction you have chosen."

-Ralph Marston

Jaimee Marie Lasala

I've known you for nearly seven years and counting. But it's not about who I've known the longest, but who's never left my side. And I honestly can say you have NEVER left my side. Each year, was always something new, and we've experienced some of the craziest, not the smartest, even the weirdest, but most definitely the greatest moments ever, and I'm so glad I shared them with you. You pick me up when I'm down, and you feed me when I hunger. aha! You know me better than I know myself at times, your practically my other half. and like you said, no one would understand our jokes [= We have too many to count anyways.

I just want you to know that no matter what happens in our lives- you can always look to me and count on me. and if your craving an amazing hug... I'm only a phone call away [= Even though your at Long Beach most of the time, and it doesn't seem like we see each other as much as we'd like- we both know that no matter what the distance we'll always be the best of friends. You got my back, and I got yours.

So remember this one time when your parents weren't home for the weekend and you told me to sleep over. So I told my mom that your brother was going to pick me up at Montclair. So I got dropped off there, but it was really you picking me up but you only had your permit at the time. And it was really dangerous and late at night, but then we went to your cousin's birthday party- and when we got there 5 fights broke out so practically everyone left when we came? ahhaha! do you remember? cause I do [=

OHH! this is a good one... Do you remember when it was our 2nd year in pcn... it was our favorite... you should know why [= mwahahahha... and I was having a bad day but then these two people carried a bench to us and they sat beside us and all of a sudden everything seemed right where it should be? [= do you remember!? Because I remember it so clearly!!!

LOL! your probably screaming at this blog right now and I wish I could see you reading it. Well I guess that's all i have to say for now.... your the best and don't ever forget that!

P.S. I attempted to make a video last night for you but they were super lameos so I quit, but I'll try again soon, promise!

God is love.

"Friendship is always a sweet responsibility, never an opportunity."

-Kahil Gabran

promise it won't be too long

Jaimee I love your blog, and it was coincidence that I just read it at this moment [= I'll tell you about it later. Hugs are the #1 painkillers! TRUST.

I'm tired, I think I'm getting sick again, school has been all over the place... but I'm happy, and that's all I think that really matters. No matter how hard some things can be, it's always great to put on a smile in the end [= Been thinking about a lot stuff lately, nothings bothering me- just curious.

I'm so distracted right now, it's ridiculous. I need to handle my work habits better, cause this just isn't cutting it. I feel like I never see my family as much ]= cause I'm always at school for most of the day throughout the week. It seems as if I'm only limited to weekends with them. I guess I get pretty homesick easily, but can you blame me? aha [=

Well I guess that's it for now, till next time...

God is love.

"Promise only what you can deliver. Then deliver more than you promise."

keep it real

I know I said I was done, but I don't want to leave it on bad terms. I know what I said and I know what I did. I can be a disappointment, something I'm STILL working on. It's only because I can never be definite at times with plans because I'm not allowed to do things when I want to, like so many others are able to do so easily. As much as I would have liked to do all the things that were planned before, I can never be sure. And I know I should have told you from the start, I guess I didn't want to make it seem like plans were a waste and just agree to them even though I wasn't entirely sure. I read your side of the story, and I understand how you would be upset, I would be too. Sometimes things aren't ALWAYS gonna go the way you planned, and I guess I just got used to accepting that- but I should have considered others. I understand you, I hope you can understand me. Real friends are hard to find, but even harder to loose.

God is love.

live high

There are those that will support you, love you, care for you, and understand you. But there are also those that want to bring you down. But what can you do, that's just how they are. And they can keep doing what they're doing, it won't matter. It just goes to show how different the world really is, and some people need our prayers more than others. It's not pity, it's not feeling sorry for them, you're just trying to see eye to eye since they can't.

I've been annoyed lately, mostly because of that. But I'm not gonna let it faze me. Say what you like, think what you want. I don't owe anyone an explanation, because I practically did. And if you didn't get it the first time, then there's no point in telling you a second. Seriously though, this is ridiculous. So high school, and definitely not worth my time. If you thought my last blog was a waste of time, this just beat it. You said DONT talk to me. and then you try to talk to me...? kay.whatevs. I'm done with this, forever and always.

Peace

Gonna make the most of my time.

God is love.

gone going

So the weekend went fast for me ]= But that's alright, I went snowboarding today even though I was sure I wasn't, but it was a good surprise [= But I can't go for a while, I gotta get back on track and take care of priorities, plus it makes me broke. So I have to abandon my snowboard till next season. BOO! Things have been going really well lately, and I know they wouldn't have been completely possible without Him. I really have to start focusing again, especially this quarter. I'm gonna be challenged in more ways than I can handle, but only to make me stronger. CPC class was pretty fun last week, it's gonna be my ventilation time every week where I can just let loose and DANCE! ahaha.

For the most part, I feel ready to take on anything that comes my way. I just wanna live my life and do the things I love whole heartedly. I'm ready for change. 

God is love.

p.s. this blog was pointless.

"Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you deal with it is what makes the difference."

Virginia Satirli

positive vibes

Amazing people, with amazing minds are incredible in so many ways! (= Some people just bring out the best in you and influence you like no other. My mind is opening and I'm taking in the good and blocking out the bad. I'm happy; where I am and what I'm discovering is giving me a whole new perspective on life, on happiness (= We all must follow a path, so that it can lead you to your destination.

I miss alot of people. The week is going by slowly, and I'm sick to add to it. Schedule it kind of hectic, but I just gotta deal. God has given me alot of opportunity this week, and I thank Him with all my heart. Reality is slapping me in the face, and everyone is getting older, times are getting tougher but He is always helping (=

No school on Monday, snowboarding anyone? ahaha. I need to start controlling that, it gets expensive /= But yeah, Mountain High on Monday! I keep listening to Love Story by Taylor Swift. ahaha. The song makes me smile alot.

God is love.

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."

-Denis Waitley

unspoken truth

People should say what they need to say. If there's something you have to say to me, then say it- I could care less. Be honest with yourself and with Him. The truth will reveal itself all in good time.

Today is the last day of winter break. Which means school tomorrow! ahaha. This quarter should be pretty great [= One last sesh of snowboarding today after church before school starts and it is gonna be bombsss!!! I can't wait. Even though I'm still pretty sore from snowboarding on Friday with JaimeeBoo. I just can't get enough of it!!!

GRV tryouts are coming up 0= We'll see how that goes, IF I try out... maybe [= It's possible I will. AHAHA! Busy week next week, so let the GOOD times roll!!!

GOD is love

"Never separate the life you live from the words you speak."

Paul Wellstone

Foolish

It's undeniable that I can be so gullible at times. But no regrets, only life lessons. Why can't my mind agree with my actions? Foolish girl, it's apparent- I'm better off alone.

So it's last week of break for me, while others have already started back yesterday. Currently job hunting...again. Hopefully 2009 will give me something (= I honestly can't wait for school to start, something to truly focus on and devote most of my time on and to keep my mind off other things. Been thinking alot about school and the future and what not. Really considering transferring to Long Beach after my second year, unsure of what San Bernardino has to offer me. Plus if I do go to Long Beach I already have a place waiting for me at Jaimee's apartment. So we shall see. 

Besides school- I constantly think about dancing. I can't wait for practices with Lubos, it'll be my time to release. So that should be fun. Been thinking about trying out for GRV, seems nearly impossible but it wouldn't hurt to try. But time is against me on that one, I'll have none for it especially when school starts. My schedule is killer, hopefully I can change it around. But then again I am looking for a job too. Ughhh... maybe I'm asking for too much. But I really just expect more from myself.

GOD is love.

"The good life is inspired by love and guided my knowledge."

-Bertrand Russell

tell it like it is

"You do what you love and fuck the rest"-Kendra

I couldn't agree more. This year will be different, better, and greater. If some people choose to judge me or take me for granted, I'll be sure to prove them wrong. I am what I am. Take it or leave it- what you think doesn't concern me. 

"It's called a past, cause I'm getting passed"-Alicia Keys